Under pressure

I used to have another blog ages ago about gardening. I used to love posting photos and updates about what I was growing and what meals I was cooking with all the veg I grew.

But I started getting sucked into all the blogger advice about getting more clicks, more likes, more followers, more everything. It stopped being about gardening and started being about popularity. I was also intimidated by the number of better designed blogs written by people who knew more about gardening than I did. It stopped being fun and became a massive chore.

I don’t think this blog will go the same way, because part of the point of it is to get my thoughts out there so that people who feel the same way don’t feel alone. Even if it’s just one person, they might read something that makes them feel better and then my job is done.

But still, I feel a bit of pressure at the moment. I made a joke on Twitter the other day about a phonecall I had to make to my bank. The next morning I woke up to find that I had 137 new notifications about it (I have since played around with the settings so I don’t get notifications for likes any more).

I also got quite a few new followers and I started to get worried that they might expect me to be funny on a regular basis. To be honest, if I remember to tweet something at all then it’s been a good day. Being funny as well is probably not going to happen that often.

When I think about it, this type of thought pattern seems to happen in all areas of my life. If I do something well then I have a brief moment of feeling good, and then a long period of “shit, how am I going to top that?”. Why do I feel like I have to improve on every single thing I do? I’m pretty sure these expectations are internal rather than external. I certainly don’t expect other people to exceed their highest standards all the time so I don’t know why I think I should.

Obviously I need to be easier on myself, but then I end up berating myself for not cutting myself a bit of slack. I can’t even go easy on myself about going easy on myself, which is ironic but probably not funny enough for 400 likes on Twitter. Oh well.

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